Back to Haunt
by Angel of Apathy
Summary: Bad dreams bring back painful memories for the latest Torchwood employee, and the rift isn't helping. Jack/Ianto, Capt. John/OC. Some dark themes.
1. Bad Day

Here it is

**Here it is! The next in the saga of Jess's life, which is getting more and more complicated all the time. This story is slightly less humorous than the last one, because of slightly sadder, darker themes. But I will still try to throw in some humour now and again, like they do in the real show. Anyway, I could ramble on all day but I'm sure you would much rather read the story.**

**IMPORTANT NOTE: If you haven't read 'Resonance' and 'Vengeance' yet, I would advise you to so you don't miss any subtle references, but if you don't want to just accept that there is a new doctor at Torchwood called Jess, with a connection to the rift. **

**Disclaimer: Torchwood belongs to the BBC, Russell T Davies, and the actors and actresses. **

**Back to Haunt **

Bad Day

_Hot, white sand, shimmering in the heat haze. __**So this is where it took me this time,**__ thinks the woman, isolated in the barren landscape. It wasn't hot, but it looked like it should be. Then the voice started, same as the last time, and the time before that, and the time before that… Except it wasn't a voice to start with, just a noise. A child, crying. The woman turns around, and there the child is. A little girl. The last time they saw each other in the real world she was only a baby, but she has grown. She's seven now, the age she should be. She's crying, heart-wrenching sobs that tear into the soul of the woman watching. But she can't comfort the girl. She knows, she's tried before. And now the girl starts speaking. Whispering at first, then getting louder. The same word, over and over. It hurts the woman standing there, it always does. The little girl, whispering that word every year. She'd almost forgotten it was that time, what with her new job – only it wasn't that new, after two months. But now it had started and she couldn't ignore it anymore. As the girl starts to fade away, the woman can feel the real world, pulling her back. __**No! **__she tries to call, __**let me stay! **__But she can't stay, and the desert plain dissolves around her…_

… Jess woke up, tears on her cheeks. The dream was back. Tormenting her, haunting her. Next to her, the man curled around her stirred slightly. She quickly swiped away the tears. _They can't know, none of them can find out. _By the time John had woken up properly there was no sign of what had happened while she was asleep. Of course, John being John he'd noticed her tears, but if she wanted to hide them he wouldn't ask. One thing he'd learnt about sleeping with colleagues: don't let it get personal. That only caused trouble. Still, he wondered what was wrong with Jess. Then her phone rang and she answered it with a groan.

"Jack? Will you tell the rift to let me lie in one day?"

"Maybe one day. I need you to come in, and we can't reach John. Any idea where he is?"

_Right next to me._ "No idea. Have you tried his wrist strap?"

"Not yet. Well, see you soon."

"Will do."

She flipped the phone closed and rolled over.

"Switch your phone on. Jack's trying to reach you."

"Oh, is he?"

"Not like that, idiot. I've got to go get dressed. You talk to him."

He watched her walk away. Very good body. Then his wrist strap beeped.

"Jack."

"Why aren't you answering your phone?"

"It's switched off." _And under a pile of clothes on the floor._

"We've got rift activity. Get over here."

"Alright, see you soon honey."

"Don't try that."

John started looking for his clothes as well. The rift was a real pain in the arse sometimes.

……………

When everyone got back to the hub, soaked from a brief-but-heavy rain shower, it was daylight. Jess had been quiet while they were checking out the rift spike – which had turned out to be a false alarm – and everyone could tell something was wrong. She went and hid herself in the med bay, saying she had paperwork to do. Curious, Jack brought up the CCTV, and Ianto opened her personnel file to see if they could find anything. She had her back to the camera, and there was nothing in her file. Well, there _was, _but it was marked as highly confidential and Ianto wouldn't let anyone look at it, because he said that was a gross invasion of privacy. So then they started speculating about what could be wrong.

"Stress," was Gwen's suggestion.

"Nah, it's worse than just stress. PMS?" Jack went for the stock answer men use when they don't understand women.

"Then why wasn't she like this last month? I think she's been dumped by someone." Ianto's contribution.

"Maybe something happened to her in the past and today's the day she remembers?" John only said this because he knew she didn't have PMS and she hadn't been dumped. It was a total guess, but he had actually got the closest of all of them.

"Eye candy, can't we just look at her damn file? I really want to know now!"

"No! You wouldn't like it if everyone snooped around in your file all the time."

"I don't have a file, Eye Candy. I'm from the 51st century."

"We know. Do you have to tell us that every week?"

"Yes, actually. Jack has a bet with me I can't last a whole year of mentioning at least once a week."

"Jack? Are you responsible for this?"

"I gotta go…"

"You're staying here, Jack Harkness!"

John watching with an amused expression, pleased with the trouble he'd started. Nothing like ratting on your ex to liven up your day, he mused. Then he glanced back at the CCTV and noticed Jess had gone.

"Damn. She's good."

………………

Jess had spent her free time at Torchwood learning the tunnels, and because of this she knew how to get out without going through the main hub. She used the knowledge now, and left quietly. They knew something was wrong. She just hoped they didn't read her file. She didn't want them to know. When people found out what had happened to her they always tried to be kind and understanding, but no one could understand how badly this hurt. She was out of Torchwood by now, and she headed for the bay. She found a railing to lean against and went to where she felt safe. The rift. It always sounded like singing, and now its song was one of mourning. It filled her up with sorrow, but it helped a little. She was so caught up in the music that she didn't hear the footsteps approaching until someone grabbed her shoulder and spun her around to face them. She knew she'd been crying again, but this time she didn't try to hide it.

"What is up with you? You've been acting weird all day and I know you had bad dreams last night."

"You wouldn't understand, John. No one understands." He was surprised at the bitterness in her voice.

"Try me."

"No. You can't understand, none of you can."

"Why not?"

That made her angry. "Because you have no idea what I went through! Seven years ago, look at the date in my file. Look at it and maybe you'll understand why! Maybe you'll understand what's wrong with me, maybe you'll find a shred of humanity somewhere inside that 51st century stone you call a heart and leave me alone!"

She turned and ran away. She didn't even know where she was going. The voice of the little girl from her dream still haunted her, calling to her over and over._ Mummy! Mummy!_

**Reviews make the world go round.**


	2. Family History

This story is so confusing, I should really plan it out properly and write said plan down, but I really can't be bothered

**This story is so confusing, I should really plan it out properly and write said plan down, but I really can't be bothered. I'll just let it run on by itself and see where it ends up. As a consequence of this it may turn out to be ridiculously long, or then again it may not.**

**Listened to Nickelback's 'Far Away' while writing this. It's a great song, but SO SAD!**

**Disclaimer: I hate not owning Torchwood. You don't have to rub it in.**

Family History

Jess turned and ran away. She didn't even know where she was going. But she needed to get away, to escape from the cries of the girl in her head. But she wasn't just any girl. She would never just be any girl. She was her daughter. Every time Jess heard her cries it ripped a hole in her life. It was part of the reason she'd given in to John's ceaseless flirtation: she wanted the physical contact to make her forget. They'd know soon enough. John would go and look it up like she told him to, and then he'd tell the others. That would give her an hour at most before they came to find her. She realised she'd gone to her house. Now she'd calmed down she felt bad for losing her temper, but she pushed that away. She opened the door and heard gars driving on the road. That triggered the memories, stronger again. She slammed the door behind her, cracking the glass. She felt the tears on her cheeks again. She knew she wasn't thinking straight. She felt angry at herself, angry at the world. She'd gone through this before. The rage would grab her and then leave her in unpredictable lurches. Sometimes she'd wake up with cuts or bruises. Other times it was over before she got hurt. She lashed out at the door with its cracked glass. Imperfect, broken, like her, like her life. She felt the glass splinter, and her hands start to bleed. She hoped that someone would come and stop her, but she wanted to carry on.

………………

John had gone back to Torchwood and opened up Jess's file. He'd followed the link into the highly confidential material. It was password protected, but John knew all the passwords. Jack's master password opened the file and he scanned it quickly. What he read there was worse than he'd thought. Jack came over to see what he was doing and without a word John twisted the screen to show him. Jack read it quickly, and met John's eyes. They both had the same thought: _Jess is in trouble. _Jack yelled for Ianto and Gwen to get the SUV. John looked over the file again. How Jess'd kept this hidden was beyond him. There was a rush to car, and they were headed for Jess's house. And it was the same thought going round in his head: how did she hide this?

………………

Jess felt like screaming. The anger was trapping her, turning her into someone she hated. She knew her hands were cut and bruised, she knew she should stop before she broke her knuckles. But she couldn't stop. The last of the glass from her door shattered. Then she heard the car. Driving too fast. Big, black, with 'Torchwood' emblazoned on it. She saw them get out, but she felt dizzy now. She must have been cut deeper than she'd thought. As the first of Torchwood reached her door the world faded around her and unconsciousness welcomed her.

……………

Her first thought was _my hands are killing me. _Her second thought was _I'm in the bloody Torchwood vaults again? This is ridiculous! _Then she noticed the manacles round her wrists and the person watching her through the glass. She sat up, trying not to put any pressure on her shredded hands.

"Did John put these cuffs on?"

"How did you know that?"

"They're his hypersteel ones. I recognise them."

Jack narrowed his eyes at her. "How do you know about John's hypersteel cuffs?"

Jess tried to think of a way out of this one. She couldn't. "You mean he never used them with you?"

"Whoa! Have you and he…?"

"Since he got poisoned. But that's not the issue now. Let me out of these cuffs."

"I can't. John has the only key. And besides, they're to stop you hurting yourself."

"I won't now. I know how it goes; I've done the same routine for seven years. Trust me, I won't hurt anyone now. It's gone past that stage."

"Why the hell didn't you tell us, Jess? Christ, I had no idea. You couldn't have mentioned it, could you?"

He was angry now, but she was just irritated.

"Yeah, because that's the kind of thing you can just drop into a conversation. 'Nice weather today, oh, and by the way I had a baby when I was eighteen who died in a car accident.'!"

"You should have told us."

"Why? So you can pretend to understand what I went through? What I still go through every single year? Because no one can ever understand this kind of pain. No one!"

"I know we can't understand. But we could have helped you. Shutting people out won't help. You're a doctor, you should know that."

"I know. But sometimes I just can't stand everyone's pity. I wanted to have some people who didn't always look at me like they pity me. I hate it when all people see is one big tragedy of a life, with no parents, a baby who came out of a one-night-stand, who then died. Too many people think that already."

"If I let you out do you promise not to run away?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'll just get the key for those cuffs, and when I get back I need to talk to you about John."

"OK. Fine. Go do it."

……………

Jack made Jess go and wait in his office, while he got they key. When he unlocked the cuffs he stood across the desk from her and gave her a slightly angry look.

"I thought you had to be clever to be a doctor."

Jess smiled a mirthless smile. "I am clever. I'm clever enough to know he'll never give me love and a relationship. I don't want that. We want the same thing, me and him."

"Sex."

"Yeah. Don't say that like it's such a bad thing. Sure, if I thought we had some kind of future I'd end up getting hurt at some point, but I don't expect that. I won't get hurt, I won't be jealous if he sleeps with someone else. I know what I'm doing, Jack. Don't worry about it, OK? Even if I do get hurt, it's my problem."

"I feel kind of responsible. I feel like I should keep him under better control."

"I don't think that's possible. Just forget it, OK?"

She left Jack's office and handed John his cuffs. "I may have told Jack about us."

"I don't mind. But you owe me ten quid."

"I knew I should never have made that bet with you. I should have known I'd tell him first."

"You alright?"

"I've been better." From the tome of her voice he could tell she didn't want to talk about it. He let it drop, and she turned away to do paperwork. It was her default reflex. Keep busy, and pretend everything is OK even if that couldn't be further from the truth.

**So now you know why Jess is so sad. Two chapters in one day, I should get a prize for this. A review is a good prize.**


	3. Rift Trouble

Bad news

**Bad news. I'm… I don't want to say it… back at school! Which means slow updates and a grumpy author. Ugh, ugh, ugh. I feel like a horriblah person for making you guys wait this long. **

**Disclaimer: Um, I own a cat, but not Torchwood. Not quite the same thing.**

Rift Trouble

Jess had escaped from work early – no one was exactly going to challenge her today – and headed to a bar she knew quite well. She wasn't trying to get drunk, but something to blur reality a little would be welcome. Not only was tomorrow exactly seven years since her daughter had died when someone ran a light at a junction and hit her, but the rift was giving her grief. The connection with it, like a tunnel from her mind to somewhere else, had been live with energy all day, and it was giving her a headache. She often wondered about the rift. She had the feeling there was more to it than anyone at Torchwood thought. Sometimes she almost thought it was alive. She was busy thinking this one over when a familiar figure dropped onto a bar stool next to her.

"John, what are you doing here?"

"Same as you; getting a drink."

With incredible timing that Jess was sure was a fluke their drinks arrived. They'd both got shots, and knocked them back together. He took a flask from somewhere inside his coat and refilled her glass. The liquid was silvery and slightly thicker than water. She narrowed her eyes at it, and John laughed.

"You don't need to look like that, it won't poison you. Try it."

She did as she was told, still suspicious, but smiled after she'd drunk it.

"Pretty good. Where's it from? Or should I ask when?"

"Taboral V, 3578. The golden age of alcohol."

"They seriously called it that?"

"Oh yeah. They knew what was important back then."

"_Back _then? It's not for hundreds of years!"

"Not for you. For me all this is ancient history."

"That must be so confusing."

"You get used to it. I've been dong this for a long time."

There was something about the way he said it that reminded Jess of what he'd told her about the Time Agency. He was always reluctant to talk about it, but from little scraps mentioned in an off-hand way she could tell it had been ruthless and corrupted. That made her curious, but she knew pressing for answers would just make John shut her out. Still, the curiosity drove her mad sometimes. Teamed with everything else that was wrong with her life and it was amazing she wasn't already in a mental institution. The rift was pounding in her head, and a tiny thought said, _something's wrong. It shouldn't be doing that. It never has before. Something bad is going to happen. _The last thought she knew with a certainty that was strange. How could she know that? But she did know it. Something was going to go wrong. And it was then that both their phones went off at the same second. The caller ID was what they were expecting: _Torchwood calling. _

………………

The rift doesn't have regard for personal feelings. As she was joining the rest of the team in sweeping the area where the rift had been active Jess tried to convince herself that the rift activity was what had caused her headache earlier. But she knew it wasn't. It was getting steadily worse even though the rift was no longer active. _Stop that! _She thought to it, and to her surprise the pain lessened slightly. _Maybe the rift really is alive. Must mention that to Jack at some point. _Her rift scanner beeped and drew her attention back to the present. John, who'd been scanning to her right, had picked up the same signal. The others hadn't got to it yet, and so it was only the two of them that got caught as the rift reopened without warning, sucking them both in. _Yeah, I think this could qualify as 'something bad' happening, _Jess thought as the singing surrounded them and took them to God knew where and when.

……………

"I hate the rift."

"Join the club darling, we have t-shirts."

"Where are we?"

John used his handy wrist trap to answer her while Jess picked herself up off the ground and looked around. They were in a field, and Jess wondered why the rift always left you in the middle of nowhere. _You know that's not funny, right? _It seemed like the usual singing sounded a little amused. Bizarre.

"Oh, now that is just bloody ridiculous."

"What is?"

"When and where we've ended up."

"What is it?"

"I don't think I should tell you…"

"_Tell me!"_

"We've gone back seven years. This is the day your daughter died."

Jess was silent for several seconds. Then she rubbed a hand across her eyes and sighed. "Do you know Torchwood's policy on people from the near future?"

"Cryo-freeze them until after they fell through, leaving instructions for them to be retconned."

"Well, I don't know about you but I'd rather not spend the next seven years in a freezer."

"Likewise. I think we should get out of here before Torchwood shows up. Then we can work out a way to get back."

"Best get going then. They're about ten minutes away."

"How do you know?"

Jess thought about it. "I have no idea, but I expect the rift is involved."

………………

Cheap hotel rooms are a universal constant. They are always small, badly lit, cramped and the bathroom is best not thought about. But they are cheap, which is good if all your money and credit cards are seven years in the future. All Jess could say was thank god for Time Agent wrist straps, which can be used to fool chip and pin machines. They both booked in to a universal constant, and Jess flopped down on one of the beds and put both hands over her face. Her rift headache wasn't any better, and as for ending up at this time and place…

"Life sucks."

"The rift does seem to be a little tactless. Are you OK with this?"

"No. Why the hell would I be OK with this?"

"You seem to be quite a well-adjusted person."

Jess laughed at that one. "I used to act a lot in school."

"Right, well, I'm going to plan how to get us out of here."

"I'm guessing you mean more than waiting for seven years?"

"You guess right. I think I can convert the rift activity scanner into a rift predictor. Then we can just hop through when if next opens and cut out seven years of mind-numbing boredom."

"Oi! Don't insult my planet."

"I didn't."

"You implied it. And if that's your plan they you'd better start converting instead of talking. I'm going to get food. Rift travel makes me hungry."

**Please review, even if it only to yell 'WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, SLACKER?!' at me.**


	4. Time Trapped

School is so boring

**School is so boring. We actually have to do work. But, on a good note, my maths teacher is new this year and told us he didn't believe in homework. Needless to say no one complained. **

**Want to know something random? Fan fiction has made it into my English writing! I had to do an autobiographical piece, and I wrote about writing. I am now using l – o – n – g words in an attempt to sound clever. So the big word from this chapter is (drum roll please): VOLATILE! **

**Disclaimer: yeah, someone who's still in school owns Torchwood. How likely is that?**

Time Trapped

John was working on the rift sensor, concentrating. Jess was pretending to read one of the magazines left on the table in their room, but inside she was a mess. This had been the worst day of her life, and now she was back to live through it all again. For seven years she'd been running from what had happened on this day, trying to find someone to blame, but you can't run forever. She noticed her hands were shaking. Probably shock. So far she'd managed to hold herself together, keeping everything locked away. Focus on the issue of getting back, not think about what this day was. But now she was losing the battle with herself. She didn't want to break down in front of John. He wouldn't understand because no one ever did. She got up and locked herself in the bathroom. Then her self control abandoned her and she felt the tears falling. But now she was angry. Angry at the world, at herself, at everything. Anger for Jess was dangerous. The bathroom had one of those big glass mirrors. It shook slightly, fine cracks frosting across it. And suddenly she didn't care. She reached out to the rift, and felt its power flowing in her like electricity. She didn't care that it was reckless and stupid and dangerous. A tiny voice protested in her mind. _Don't do this, you can't control it. The rift is too strong for anyone to control, you'll destroy everything. _But she didn't care at all. As the glass smashed around her, she fell to the floor as the power grew stronger. The edges of the world started to darken, and she knew she was losing to the rift.

……………

John had detached himself from the world around him. It was one of the qualities that had made him a good Time Agent: he could focus everything on a job and not be distracted by anything. But he hadn't detached himself enough not to notice the glass on the table start to shake. _Oh, God, what's Jess done?_

……………

Jess felt cold water hit her in the face and she jerked back to reality. The deafening rift song faded and she felt the glass stinging her hands. The shower spray was switched off and she felt hands grab her arms. She was dragged out of the bathroom and thrown against the wall.

"What the fuck were you doing?"

John's eyes were angry, but Jess stared back. She was still angry, but a tiny part of her brain told her not to do anything rash. As nice as he could be sometimes, John was dangerous. Volatile would be the best way to sum him up: calm one second and then killing the next in a fit of rage. And as that thought crossed her mind her anger drained away and she slumped forwards, head hanging down. Clearly John's anger wasn't draining away, however, as he forced her head back up so she had to look at him.

"Well?"

"I don't know. I didn't do it. I couldn't control it."

"What the hell do you mean? Control what?"

"The rift. I was angry, and it took over me. It's too strong."

"Why did you let it in the first place?"

"Because I was angry, and I wasn't thinking! You don't understand, you can't! You don't know what I'm going through, and you don't know what having the rift running through your head feels like!"

"I know I don't understand. I don't understand how you could be so stupid to let something like this happen!"

"Shut up! You have no idea what this is like for me so don't judge me on something you don't know about!"

Her last shreds of patience had worn thin and she forgot her common sense. She saw his eyes darken with anger, but then he shoved her away and turned back to the rift sensor. Obviously he didn't think it was worth fighting anymore. She was shaking inside. The rift had got dangerously close to taking her over completely. She was scared of the rift. She was very scared of John. She had at least guessed that there was a darker side to him, but to see it was terrifying. She slid down that wall and rested her head against her knees. Then she started to cry, steady tears like rain. She was mentally and physically exhausted, and she couldn't hold herself together anymore. So she let it out, and cried until all her tears were gone.

John knew she was crying as he went back to work on the rift sensor, but he didn't feel bad. Sometimes the quickest way to teach someone was to scare them. She had to learn not to tap into the rift; it was too strong. Besides, he'd spent the last few months trying to convince Jack and his team that he wasn't a sociopathic manic, which meant controlling his emotions very strongly. After several months of this, he was ready to let out all his anger at someone, and Jess had just picked the wrong day to do something stupid and dangerous. He connected the last wires in the rift sensor, and plugged it in to the wall socket to charge up. He looked over at her. Still crying, curled around herself, but silent. Amazingly, after everything she'd been through and how bad she must have been feeling, she still kept quiet. She was surprisingly strong, despite everything that had happened in her life. He crouched next to her and out his hands on her shoulders.

"You're right. I don't know how much losing a child hurts. But I do know what it feels like to loose someone you care about. And no matter how many times you go through it it never gets any easier."

She wiped her tears away and looked him in the eyes. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For stopping the rift. You were right, it's not safe."

"Yeah. Oh, and I finished the rift predictor. In about an hour we should have our ticket out of here."

"Thank god for that. Being stuck with you is getting a little old. Do you realise this is the third time we've got stuck together?"

"I thought it was the fifth."

"Is it?"

"Yeah. Think about it. There was the time you were kidnapped when we still thought you were a threat. Then when everyone got locked up by those crazy Time Agents. Then there was that time the weevils got loose and the hub was put into lockdown. Then when Jack did that daft 'team building' exercise when all of us had to get out of a locked room without a key and we ended up knocking the door down. And now this." Jess smiled slightly at the team building part. "Was that a smile? You actually smiled didn't you?"

"No."

"You did. You can't be feeling that bad, then."

"I do feel bad, but you can be so annoying it's actually slightly endearing. Like a really irritating puppy."

"Christ, my ego just shot itself. You honestly just compared me to a puppy? My life is over. I think I'll just go slit my wrists."

"God, you are so childish sometimes."

"It's what I do best."

There was silence for a few moments.

"John, what happens in the future? You were born three centuries from now. What happens?"

"It'll take a while to fill you in on three centuries."

"We've got an hour. See how far we can get."


	5. Saved?

Couldn't think of another fabbie word for this chapter

**Couldn't think of another fabbie word for this chapter. If you spot a particularly interesting word in here feel free to point it out in a review. Or review to tell me a word you want me to use. **

**I couldn't remember if I'd given Jess's daughter a name. if I have and I've now changed it get in touch and I'll correct it. **

**Disclaimer: Chihuahua.**

**Edited 9th October. Mistakes have been pointed out and fixed.**

Saved?

Jess looked at the stars. They were unfamiliar, because they were from three thousand years in the future. John was using his wrist strap to project an image of his home into the air in front of them. A furious beeping interrupted them. They leapt up, and John picked up the rift predictor.

"Oh, yes, I am a genius."

"Could have fooled me. Are you also an actor?"

"You are far too sarcastic for your own good sometimes. And this is serious. Look at this. We have a rift spike four miles away in about two minutes."

"You are kidding? Four miles? We can't make it."

"We'll have to get a car."

"We don't have a car."

"We'll just have to borrow one."

Jess took another look at the GPS screen and paled. "Oh no. We can't go there. Wait until the next spike."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Think. What's today?"

"The day you were in that car crash."

"Think."

"That was where you were hit?"

Jess nodded.

"We don't have a choice. We have to go, now."

She looked at him with wide eyes, and then nodded. "But be careful. We can't get involved with it."

"You know you can't change anything. You can't save her."

"I thought you weren't one for rules."

"Yes, but I do quite enjoy living in this universe as opposed to having it end suddenly."

………………

"No, no, no. Not this car. Please don't take this car."

"It's the only type of car that won't take two minutes to hotwire. We have to take this one. Is this the car that hit you?"

"Yes. Please, John, don't take this car."

"It's probably not the same car. Jess, we have to go, _now_. And I will force you in if I have to."

Jess glared at him. He sighed, and shoved her in the door, locking it behind her. She beat against the window, screaming.

"Don't you dare! Let me out of this car! Let me out right now!"

………………

She'd stopped fighting as they got nearer to the junction. The speedometer was creeping higher and higher. She knew what was going to happen. As her past self was crossing the junction then the car she was in now would run a red light and they would collide. In the confusion of an accident no one would notice the flash of rift energy as their car vanished. The police would assume that whoever had hit her had fled. The streets speeding past were becoming horribly familiar. She glanced at the clock. Forty five seconds until the rift flare. John was focussed on the driving, but was keeping half an eye on her all the time. Even if she tried to somehow stop the car it would never work. Her daughter was going to die as she sat there and did nothing. _I will make him pay_, she promised. Thirty seconds. Two streets. Twenty seconds. Ten. Five. Then there was a horrible brake squeal and a bone-shaking impact. The car spun, and was swallowed in the gold-red lights of the rift.

…………………

This was now the third time Jess had been through the rift, and she knew the sequence. Darkness and splitting headache, then dizziness and nausea for a few seconds before everything cleared. Clearly John recovered quicker because he'd already unlocked the car doors and got out. She took a few deep breaths, opened her door and threw herself at him, kicking and fighting.

"You killed her! You knew it was going to happen and you didn't try to stop it! You could have stopped it from happening!"

"And what would have happened? She wouldn't have died, and I bet you would never have got into a situation where you worked for Torchwood. Then I would have gone through the rift and not known and so I would still have hit the car, and it would cycle round like that. Plus if someone who's meant to be dead survives the universe tends to develop rather charming things called paradoxes which kill people. And while I am not inherently opposed to killing people I almost never do it without a good reason."

"And saving someone's life isn't a good reason? You know what, I don't care. I hate you. Tell Jack I'm leaving Torchwood and not coming back until you're gone. You took away the one thing I had left."

She shoved him away and got back in the car, which was remarkably still driveable. John watched her leave. Well, it's not like he hadn't been expecting it.

………………

The rift was pounding in Jess's head by the time she got back to her house. Stupidly she'd run off without checking they were in the right time, but thankfully they were. All the pain of losing her daughter came back, more vicious than before. The emptiness she felt was probably a consequence of shock. She sank down onto her sofa and closed her eyes in an attempt to stop the rift attacking her head so much –

– _Ice fields this time. It always changes. Elisa is there, her daughter. Jess realises with a shock that it is the first time she's thought her name in seven years. It had always hurt too much before. But this time things are different. Elisa isn't crying. She's looking straight at her. Then she's speaking and her voice is tainted with the singing of the rift._

"_I don't have much time. The rift'll only let me through briefly."_

_**What do you mean? **__Jess is relived her own voice isn't rift-tainted._

"_The rift is composed of pure energy. When we die, there is no heaven, no afterlife. We're converted back to our original components. Our bodies go back to the earth and our energy goes back the universe."_

_**I don't understand.**_

"_The rift isn't the only energy being. There's the time vortex, too. I don't know why you managed to connect to the rift. You harvest the energies of time and space."_

_**You said you didn't have much time. Why are you here?**_

"_You need to let go of me. Every year your pain brings me back. You need to move on. And don't hate John for what he did. You don't understand he knows about the rules of space and time. He had to do it. You need to forgive him, and quickly."_

_**Why quickly?**_

"_After I've gone you'll see. Now let me go."_

_**Will I ever see you again?**_

"_Maybe one day."_

_**Alright. Go. Be happy. **_

_Elisa smiled. "Thank you."_

_And she was gone. After a second, Jess understood why she'd said she had to forgive John quickly. Clear as if it was the real world, she could see him. Lying on concrete pavement, bleeding heavily. And she knew with startling certainty that he ion trouble, right now._

**Reviews are the light of my life. **


	6. Forgiving, Forgetting

Final chapter

**Final chapter! And I got an A- for my English essay about writing so yay for me. Next story has a very, very vague plotline and no title so it may be a week or more until you actually get to read it.**

**To go with my trend of listening to very depressing songs while I write the song for this chapter is Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars. I don't know why it's sad, the lyrics aren't but it is so sad. **

**To finish off, John is in mortal danger, Jess has some thinking to do very, very quickly, and the two of them have a heart-to-heart. Also one of longest conversations I've ever written. Enjoy, guys.**

**This chapter is dedicated to spncsifreak for the longest review I've ever received and making me smile after a very long school day. After a suggestion in said review, I'm calling for ideas as to what I should call this series. Something crazy but not completely unconnected. **

**Disclaimer: cold vegetable stir-fry. Yum. (I really shouldn't drink coffee this late at night.)**

Forgiving, Forgetting

Jess snapped back to the real world with the rift still blazing inside her skull and a heavy feeling in her stomach. She didn't understand the rift, but she did trust it. Something was very, very wrong. As that thought was formed, her phone rang, making her jump.

"Hello?"

"Jess! Thank god. We need your help."

"Ianto, you're not making sense, what's happened?"

"We were going after this alien, and it killed Jack and attacked John." _Of course._ "We seriously need you, he's really badly hurt."

"Where are you?"

He gave her the location. "Listen, we heard about what happened. Are you going to be OK to…"

"Ianto, I'm not going to leave someone injured over a personal fight. Let me sort that out, OK? I'll be a couple of minutes, try and keep John talking so he doesn't pass out."

………………

Jess pulled up in her car, and headed over to where Gwen and Ianto were both crouched next to John.

"You got hurt again? Need I point out you should be more careful?"

"It made you talk to me again, though."

His voice was strained and Jess could tell it was bad. She cut her eyes to Ianto and Gwen who moved off a little to give them some privacy.

"We can talk about it later. Right now we have other concerns." The hidden meaning was there: they might not get a later to talk about it in.

"How bad is it?"

"Bad. Too bad." Jess sighed. The wounds from the creature were too deep and too close to vital organs. Then she had a brainwave. "Nanogenes."

"Where are you going to get Nanogenes from? I did have some, but they've been too damaged to work any more."

"Ianto!"

"What is it?"

"Has there ever been anything archived at Torchwood as Nanogenes?"

"Yes, two years ago a canister fell through. Jack said we shouldn't open them."

"Go to Torchwood, get that canister. We need it."

Ianto nodded and ran to the SUV, taking Gwen with him. Jess looked around her at a dead Jack, the carcass of the creature, and the ground soaked with blood.

"Why did you come to help?"

It was asked so outright that the question took Jess by surprise.

"I don't know. I really hated you, but a few hours with… a few hours later and I just don't any more."

"With?"

"Later. Explanations later. Anyway, I couldn't not come. I can't let someone die because I have a personal issue to deal with."

"Thank you. And I am sorry. But I had to. Rules of space and time. There's no getting around it."

"I know. I understand a little more now."

There was an engine sound getting closer. "They're nearly here. What do I do with the Nanogenes?"

"Take the card from my wrist strap. The container has like a swipecard reader. Put it through there, wait for the light to change and then open the container and stand back." His breathing was laboured now and Jess felt scared for the first time. He'd told her when they were waiting for the rift predictor to get them out that Nanogenes could fix anything, but it seemed like too much. Too far gone. As the SUV pulled up his eyes closed. Jess took the card and followed his instructions, praying that it wasn't too late.

………………

'Later' turned out to mean a week later when Jess was taking a break from working outside the hub, looking out over the bay. She hadn't exactly been avoiding John, but she'd made no effort to bring up the subject with him. Well, it wasn't exactly something that you could just drop into a conversation. But as she was leaning on the railing he came and leant next to her.

"So. Explanations later."

"Yeah."

"Thanks for the quick thinking on the Nanogenes, by the way."

"Bet you're glad you mentioned them."

"I'm sorry. For what happened."

"I was angry at you. I hated you. But now I understand why you had to do it. She's happier now."

"What do you mean?"

"The greatest philosophical question. What happens after we die. I have an answer for it now. Elisa came back to me. The rift is like a being composed of energy. When we die we turn back into the energy that we came from. Sustained in the rift forever; isn't that wonderful?"

"Jess. That doesn't happen. She's gone. People don't come back."

"But they do. It's the rift. I know you don't believe me but can you honestly tell me in categorically isn't true?"

"Well, no, but isn't it possible you're just hoping for something that can't happen?"

"You want proof? Right after my daughter left I saw you, bleeding. Then Ianto called me and when I found you it was exactly like I saw it."

That made him think. "So the rift can show you the future?"

"Only the near future, I think. And the dead."

"Fine."

"What?"

"I believe you. But don't tell the others. It's too soon after they lost their team mates."

"Yeah. I don't think I can do anything with this though. I can't control it, and reasoning with the rift is like reasoning with a brick wall. I can feel it listening but it just sort of _is, _and doesn't do anything."

"Maybe it's shy."

"A dimensionally transcendental space-time rift is shy? You have a very strange mind."

"Says the person with said dimensionally transcendental rift in her head."

"Point taken, but I doubt shy is its problem. More likely it's just being awkward."

"And you call me strange."

"Yes I do. Are we done stating the obvious?"

There was a thoughtful pause, and then John asked in an uncharacteristically soft voice, "Are you okay?"

"I didn't think I would be, but I am. You know the five stages of grief? Something, something, something, something else and acceptance?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"It's taken me seven years, but I think I finally got there. I am officially a well-balanced individual now."

"Okay, firstly; being well-balanced is so boring, I tried it once and vowed never to be it again, and secondly; you work for a secret organisation catching aliens. You really think that qualifies as well-balanced?"

"I was thinking relatively."

"I'm going back in now; it's freezing out here. You coming?"

"In a minute."

She listened to his footstep fade away. And for the first time in seven years, she smiled and truly meant it.

**What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending. Now, everyone run off and click that review button. Not forgetting series title suggestions. **


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